dude i'm inner monologue high
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
