? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
