I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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