remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
