she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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