3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
