Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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