I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
