Can Purell be used as lube?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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