so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
