I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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