i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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