Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
