I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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