david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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