you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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