i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
