I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
