i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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