peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
