she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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