Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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