Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
