Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
