How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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