lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the day after is always just damage control
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
