There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
