I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
