This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
