Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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