Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
