lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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