I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
