Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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