So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
