so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
