the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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