Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
