I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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