I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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