theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
