i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
