Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
