The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
