You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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