Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
