You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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