And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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