The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
