i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
