I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
