my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
