She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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