Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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