could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
