Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
