is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
