I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
