a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
